Overcoming Resistance to Help.
Common resistance I see and have experienced to getting help from therapy and holistic therapies. I am sharing because everyone has trauma and unprocessed trauma has big bills.
“My life has been so hard, I have had it the worst.” People who have had big trauma that have never sat with their pain, can feel the world owes them something/ They want to organise trauma in levels from THE worse- to not so bad. They tend to want the world to see their pain yet they don’t truly see and feel their own pain, they haven’t truly sat with those feelings yet. Their traumatic experiences were probably minimised or swept under the carpet as a child. If you identify with this, it’s your own validation you are seeking, it’s you needing to truly bear witness to your own pain.
“Nothing that bad has happened me.” People have unprocessed trauma and are unaware that they have it. We all have trauma, and to process it you need to get help, therefore if you have never got help it is highly likely you have unprocessed trauma. People can often downplay traumatic life experiences, “it wasn’t that bad” as a coping mechanism that they learned from parents who more likely did not have tools we have now. The research into how unprocessed trauma shows it results in disconnection from self, illness, addiction and not feeling- these findings are fairly new information to our generation. I have had people tell me “My da not being there did not affect me”. A person who at 3 had a bomb go off in their home told me they had never experienced a traumatic event in childhood. I could write a book of these.
“Sure if it happens a lot people, it is not traumatic”. Not true. Divorce, being told to stop crying or you get something to cry about, being hit as a child. All these very common experiences are traumatic for a young child trying to process the world especially if adults did not have the skill set to explain/ apologise for what happened previously. You as an adult today have made sense in your logical brain of what happened in the past, however the music, the felt sense of the experience is yet to be played. The unprocessed energy in your body wants to be released. Emotions are a force of nature and nature is cyclical and always wants to complete the cycle and will always win. We can tell ourselves how we wish to feel about something as opposed to truth, this creates separation from self. We need to listen to the truth that is our bodies whether we like it or not. Trust me this was the very last thing I wanted to do. I really hated this truth- ALLERGIC.
“It doesn’t change the past”. I know but unprocessed trauma will dictate your future- likely to repeat patterns, addictions, disconnect from self. It needs to be processed to set you free.
“I don’t want to feel bad feelings”. Me neither but this is the way it is. I didn’t make the rules. When you refuse to feel one feeling it affects them all, so if you want to feel depths of love in your life, unimaginable realms of ecstasy you never thought possible, then you need to feel them all. This made me change my mind and I hope it helps you.
“I can’t handle dealing with it all.” I know it feels so scary and overwhelming. Baby steps, slow healing is key. You can handle it. The cure for pain is in the pain. The only way is through, not side stepping. The body never gives you more than you can handle.
“I don’t want people to know my business.” What does people knowing your business mean to you ? Is shame keeping you silent? Is it a pressure to appear to have a perfect childhood life? Trauma is universal, messy life is universal. Shame is the most toxic and harmful out of all the emotions. Shame is helpful if you do something bad and fear being disconnected from the community. Shame stopping you from getting help that you need, that every human needs, does not serve.
“There are no good therapists.” Why do you think that if you have never been or tried? Is it a distrust of professionals? There are exceptional therapists out there, like every profession, who could make a big difference to how you are feeling and coping with life.
I met all this resistance I have named above when starting the journey of healing and work with so many women who experience the same. We always meet resistance when we are asked to change and do things differently. Brene Brown beautifully highlights why the path of healing is so very needed- “To face our emotional wounds is one of life’s most courageous acts. It leads us to living a life rooted in our values, talents and desires”
- Brene Brown
I hope you take the time to get clear on what is holding you back and get out of the way of yourself as you so deserve to experience all of your dreams and desires.